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The Surreptitious Life of a Pedophile


Before I knew this was an actual thing, I had a conception of absolute determined disgust towards people who end up as child sex offenders. I happened to discover this very word in the movie Fault in Our Stars when Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters when they “had to do something about the swing set”. That was like a really casual and negligible reference of the term but it made me do some freaking research. So what i came to know is that Pedophilia is a mental disorder which engages a person to be sexually attracted and aroused exclusively by prepubescent children i.e. children around the age of a toddler to the age of 11yrs who are not capable of providing a consent for the activities. A person diagnosed with this disorder must be 16 yrs or above and the attraction must pertain to children at least five years younger than a pedophile. A popular synonym for pedophilia is child sexual abuse. The apparent no. of men exceed the no. of women that are diagnosed with this disorder reportedly.

I wonder now if the cases that I came across a while ago about child sexual abuse could possibly be cases of pedophilic men barely acting upon there natural unusual urges and impulses with poor self-control. I am an Indian. I live in a country of tradition with rich absorbing culture, moral customs and rituals.Even in a country with such vibrant and sacred morals, we come about such issues like rape, sexual abuse, physical abuse and child sexual offending every day: A 4YR GIRL RAPED BY HER SCHOOL TEACHER ; GIRL RAPED IN CAB ; KINDERGARTEN STUDENT SEXUALLY ABUSED BY A LOCAL WORKER ; A BUS DRIVER RAPES A 2YR OLD GIRL IN THE SCHOOL BUS. Where it is considered offensive even to talk about sex as a part of normal life openly among different age groups and where people belonging to different generations have this one universally agreed upon principle of keeping these words private, there stands no difference to the statistics of sexual crimes in comparison to any other country. I bet majority of people don’t even have a clue regarding the perceptible existence of such a mental disorder. Maybe its time to let the word out in public interest.

It is almost a year to this conversation I had with a fellow classmate and if I may forewarn you that reading further would be an absolute ordeal for you as it was for me when I heard it from my fellow with her corresponding countenances of disgust. But I think you will proceed with it anyway out of curiosity. So she told me she heard about this family with two working parents to their beautiful toddler daughter whom they left to be at home with her paternal grandfather who was a widower. The kid started to cry incessantly and had a terrible pain in her stomach after a couple of months. Her parents took her to their family doctor and the doctor indicated the presence of semen in her body. The mother got furious and requested her husband to set up cameras in his father’s room where they left their daughter everyday. At first the husband rebuked about the whole idea of suspecting his own father for having been involved in such a demeaning scenario but finally agreed to work through the plan for the sake of his daughter’s safety and to seek the real truth about his daughter’s condition. And yes, they found the deviant old grandfather ejaculating in his granddaughter’s little mouth. I can’t even imagine the sight of a possible that and the damage it caused to that little baby. I mean that is freaking incest and sexual harassment and rape and child abuse actually toddler abuse or something. Its batshit crazy and these parents trusted that old man with the sensitive responsibility of their daughter and her safety while sitting in their comfy offices thinking their daughter must be happy playing tea party with her cute grandpa.

I don’t know if this case was of pedophilia or a paraphilic abnormal sexual urge just because he was a widower and didn’t have any other individual choice to act upon but I thought I should share this information that sabotaged a blooming life. But there are teenagers and adults who do not want to hurt children and have never acted on their sexual desires. They remain undetected and fail to acquire help. Some may even kill themselves for having to live with such an embarrassing attraction affliction. The risk factors that these people may act on their pedophilic urges are developed by insatiable sexual desires which cause distress, personality problems, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, impaired self-concept and interpersonal functioning. Causes of this disorder of sexual preference may be biological or developed by emotional fears or threats from similar age groups such as social acceptance, maturity level variance, social approbation and trust issues making them more congenial in the company of children. There is no evident assurance that pedophilia can be cured, but there are therapies to help refrain upon these impulses. I think this is somewhat similar to heterosexual or homosexual sexual orientation on the basis of natural sexual preference but pedophelia can turn out to be harmful for children so it needs mental health treatments.

An awful lot of people are out there seeking help before its too late. They don’t wanna be monsters. And hope is never to be obliterated.

The Book Review : I Too Had A Love Story by Ravinder Singh


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I did not actually have a natural intention to go for this novel by choice, because ya well it is a love story (as obviously suggested by the title) and I have this stupid assumption I cant get rid of : almost all love stories are boring and just too cliche. My cousin happened to visit us in Delhi last month and he forgot this book he was glued to, so I thought I should put this coincidence to some employment. So I read the last page of this book by today evening and I am here with a forthright review. I have to say now after reading it all, guys it is sincerely an honest and most truthful narration of every stupid thing LOVE drives us to do. It is crazy, it is hilarious , it is intense and it describes perfectly the real mess life creates. I really like the few end chapters which were really heartfelt and passionate.

For two people who are introduced to each other by the aid of an internet receptive network between two distant parts of a country hosted by a matrimonial site, it is by every means an unusual experience to carry a relationship based on technical cellular connections. Its like you fell in love with an imaginable person who is virtually invisible and you can only conceptualize what kind of a feeling would it emit out of you if you were with that person this instant. It is misleading, unbelievable and like you’ve been in a long distance relationship since forever but you just dint know it yet.

So we have the author and he calls himself in the whole story by the name Ravin, a software engineer employed in Infosys ,Bhubaneswar. At a reunion with his college friends he realizes that the concept of marriage is soon approaching him and it is going to change his entire life and that he must get prepared to do some extensive research on the subject before his parents land him into an awkward situation with a match for him of their choice. Making an exaggerated profile he was all set to find his first love right on the platform of a web based locale offering community filters and much more to find the list of just the perfect matches for Ravin. He was pretty excited about this thing. It was much surprise to his own expectation that he was in a way desperate about this strange thing. Although he had lost his faith on that bloody worthless website after getting rejected by some girls and after rejecting some girls himself, soon after that one beautiful girl, Khushi from Faridabad responded to his requests after a couple of days. The two had a real connection with many things alike and she confessed she was driven to talk to him because he put that he had learnt to play tabla on his profile while she herself had a degree of that sort. Ravin provided this credit solely to his dad who had pushed him to learn tabla. The two fell in love soon and it was ravishing as it was, they were happy together.

They met for the first time when Ravin had a US project to his schedule and he landed in Delhi to spend a day with Khushi and her family. After receiving a warm welcome from her whole family, Khushi and Ravin were delighted to have finally been able to see each other for real. Completing his one month US project, he again had a chance to visit Khushi and her family. It was the purity in the nectar of their unconventional romance that had never let them be apart for even a day. Appearing to be too mainstream but just the right amount for being too stupid to be in love. The realm of their life was better than their dreams and they were inseparable. But life had a planned a tragedy for them, a tragedy worth to be written about.

It was their engagement in three days and Khushi had been in office for her night shift. She was supposed to give Ravin a call at 5am. as they planned before Ravin got to his dreams about their engagement. But it was 6:30am. when Ravin could make out it was morning and he couldn’t locate any calls from her. He called her up and a male voice apprised him that Khushi’s cab had met with an accident with a giant truck on her way back home. She was unconscious and in the ICU with major blood loss, her jaw and right thigh needed a surgery and their were blood clots in her brain. Ravin boarded the very next available flight to Faridabad and somehow was convincing himself she would be okay. Soon. Crying to his own helplessness to save his better half and of all the pain she is enduring, alone.

It is truly excruciating to put that fearful affliction into words that would be read by a million people and to share the catastrophe of having lost your first love at the hands of your unbound destiny, it takes absolute solidity and deep-dyed devotion to be able to put forward such a reminiscence. It is not really a book but I would rather term it as her memories inked in pages that Ravin can never get rid of. A deep regarded souvenir for an unconditional love that did last a little more than forever.

Fifty Shades Trilogy – Evince of Fifty Shades of BDSM


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Fifty Shades Trilogy having quite a popular demand especially among the women public, I have to admit I’ve been noticing its first installment Fifty Shades of Grey being flipped in many hands in the metro for a bit now. Its been rumored to be “the intense quality porn novel”. The trilogy initially aims to locate a BDSM relationship transforming into an endearing loving marriage. BDSM being the variety of diverse erotic activities ,those of Bondage and Discipline; Dominance and Submission; Sadism and Masochism for sexual arousal and interpersonal intimacy with the mutual consent of the respective people involved. The consent maybe a written contract between the two parties as it is this mutual consent that proves a fine legal and ethical distinction between BDSM and criminal offenses as sexual harassment or domestic violence.

E.L. James, she draws the characters flat and carries the snowball relationship between a 21-year-old college grad Anastasia Steele and a young 27-year-old business magnate Christian Grey in a total mystery-swept romance with the initial intention of a non-romantic but only a sexual one. The thrills the author hints with sudden shades of Mr. Grey must be the reason of the title. Although a number as reinforcing as Fifty could be seen as Grey having some close to infinite hidden shadows in his multiple personality theatrical masks and alter egos . From being the perfect gentleman, Christian Grey doesn’t take a seconds space to turn into a whacky crazed S&M maniac. Being a tormented soul he has turned out much complicated. The whole book is through Ana’s perspective and is written in first person with present tense narrative voice. Grey introduces Ana to the “you don’t yet know what you’re in for” thing i.e an unfamiliar dominant and submissive sexual exposure. Though people have reviewed they did not really adjust to the first person narrative as easily opposed to the author’s attempt to keeping the readers engaged in the moment, it exhibits feelings of pure involving intimacy for real.

The contract Ana is obliged to sign even forbids her to touch Christian or make an eye contact with him “because he is fifty shades fucked up ” in his own words. The first of Christian’s BDSM relationships. he had been the submissive or the bottom and that too when he was 15yrs old and was seduced by one of his mother’s friends, Elena Lincoln. Which was some sexual abuse though and he still owned a salon business with her together. The juice here was that Christian began to think of Ana as her girlfriend and not a submissive eventually. And the word traveled. There was Christian himself turned into a submissive at the feet of Ana in the fear of being left by her again in the second part of the series Fifty Shades Darker which leaves even Ana stunned,” Holy fuck…Christian. The submissive”. In the start Ana reckoned Christian was not the “hearts and flowers kind of guy” but then she has his heart and “here are the flowers” as he waves toward the room. Christian falls for Ana and its gratifying, no one ever expected of him falling in love and not much to the reader’s surprise Christian’s mother even thought he was a homosexual. He was a lost boy of fifty shades revealed by boredom,weariness,depression,complexities of his personality. This fifty was the submissive masochist once been beaten the shit out of him and so he is the sadist now,because he liked it that much. “The image of a powerful man who’s really still a boy who feels he is unworthy of love of his perfect family and his much-less-than perfect girlfriend.”

And at the end Fifty Shades Freed is Ana “topping from the bottom” being Christian’s lifeline making him believe he has a wealth of love to give, her Fifty Shades. I guess its something unlikely coming onto the coffee table making the perfect timing with some fan fiction ending on the subject . So its hitting the hits its hitting and so the movie.

“There’s a very fine line between pleasure and pain. They are two sides of the same coin, one not existing without the other.” E.L. JAMES

The Book Review: Right Here Right Now by Nikita Singh


Right-hereNikita Singh, who is one of the bestselling authors right now at just the age of 22 happened to finish the book in 15days straight ! Woo ! I mean I read it on an article in Hindustan Times she started writing her first book at the age of 19 ..well I’m already 19. LOL And I’m just lazy as fuck. Who knows I could also deliver perhaps an extensive knack of stories that would change the world in a single whip. Or maybe I could write another most amazingly awesome Sheldon Cooper “the kind of mind that comes along once, maybe twice in a generation” in the desperate needs of the world. Or maybe i should just get this over with..at least.

So, the author invites the audience in the first scene where we see a 17-year old girl lying in a hospital bed having no idea how she got there, who are the people crying around her bed, what had happened to her, what was this all about and a blank memory. She happened to guess the mother of her and the father of her and this was sad. She found out her name was Kalindi Mishra and so did we. Having diagnosed with Retrograde Amnesia she is not able to recall anything from her past 17years but is optimistic about it that in quiet some days she would be able to resume her life again.

As a result of the traumatic head injury, Kalindi having lost her idea of “THE Kalindi Mishra”, begins to rebuild a brand new identity and aura of herself. I found it really inspiring how life gives her another chance to live her life from the apparent start (actually it happens to be the upshot of Retrograde Amnesia that the person undergoes a change of habits and overall personality). Having found her earlier friends strange and haughty and unreliable and pompous and conceited, she also finds out that they don’t actually approve of their age to be just 17years but they deport themselves as some runway models doing the ramp for over 15years at pace (not to mention, obviously she was once also one of them and this makes her feel sick). And so they don’t actually make even half of a schoolkid to her. Instead, Kalindi finds herself some snug around the bunch of nerds they call “who are in no hurry to grow up”. She finds out that Harsh Raj Sisodia  “from the uncool nerd crowd” lives just next to her apartment and they become boon companions for life soon.

But it keeps coming about to her how she fell into such an oblivion, what the hell happened ? No one knows. Kalindi has nightmares of a fall that is devastated by strange voices and bad visions. She hides it all from everyone but she falls short in front of Harsh and he is the only person who could get it out of her. It gets big and this episode ends on an ugly note making Kalindi screaming over Harsh publicly in front of the whole school about going behind her back and violating her privacy. Although Kalindi starts to regret how she reacted , she is perhaps in some fine amounts determined to stop herself from missing Harsh and all the good times they had had by using the knowledge of how he “Betrayed” her to stay away from him. The fifty-two days of her new life!

Like Bruno Mars could catch a grenade for HER , Kalindi Mishra got on a ladder for HIM which wasn’t actually structurally sound and could end up in a SEVENTY-FOOT DROP. This was adventurous and well, it was pretty hilarious and there, it made Kalindi realize how much she loved Harsh. No one ever knew what marked the imminent start of this new life for Kalindi Mishra or what degree of bad was it ? And with everything finally falling into place for her, she forgot how to care about the bad that gave her a new life and made her a better person. It was all happy now.

Just another arse to kick


People ! I propose to associate with you in the moment when you feel like serving somebody with a hit in the arse. I am fatally  coiled up in the cliche of unwilling encounters with about such people that are pumped up brats with the common variant of not accepting the futile damage they cause in socially interactive situations and are non apologetic for an add-on. What little could you loose in the good Lord’s name if you show some empathy or maybe an equal amount of gratitude for instead of which you choose to portray that irritable rock strong attitude of yours. Bitch !

For instance I would talk about the situation I witnessed in the middle of a road some while ago. A freehand biker foolishly took a turn out of nowhere to get on the other side of the lane with apparently a big sharp cut towards the end without looking for another conveyance at his back and that too with the exception of an indicator for a left turn. A Volkswagen hit the brakes at the edge of the absurd’s motorbike and the absurd started dropping fireballs with swear words in the midway of the road holding all the traffic around.

SMH in that pervasive context. No offense. Dealing with such people, it’s a headache, You would be forced to bang your head to the chamber of four walls that you’re surrounded by and rob you out of your peace of mind. For these difficult people with unshaken pride and ego , I know you’re human you got that license to make severe mistakes and you shine upon it with a vibrant ( just in your schizophrenic mind ) attitude BUT here’s the thing ! You need to change the false perception of your mind that everyone is going to put up with your shit baby. Its just your family and probably valuable friends that pardon you for how spoiled you’ve become in your conscience stricken questionable morals.

I now recollect I have personally dealt with such a friend in my school times and it seemed an ordeal that was provocative and demeaning. I had it in my mind tied of all constraints that I need to be pragmatic with her for the time I had to endure her. Such people have a notion of thinking themselves as the sole transcendent of thousands and thousands of generations of mankind, For summing up they think they look adorable when they blame everyone for the hindrance but thyself.

The Friend of a twosome


Ya i know this could actually make the name of a book lol.

” Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another : What! You too? I thought that no one but myself.” C.S. Lewis

This post today because I am plodding out of such a situation right now and I want to publish how awkward it gets when Two of your friends change their status into being ‘In a relationship’. Many things in the troop change and its complicated after this is declared officially. You suddenly have no idea how you are expected to behave besides being happy for them. Its considerably hard to tell when would they expect you to leave them for the sake of private intimacy between the romantic duo or when would they just want to have fun hanging around together with you being no “third wheel”. If you tag yourself around the couple a bit too often, let your conscience speak up to you when you feel like you’re actually manifesting the proverb of ‘playing the gooseberry’ in virtual terms.                                                                                                                                                                  No offense if you’re a female or male, the odds- on is that either of the spouse is probable to envy your care and understanding as a chuddy-buddy towards the other one as something else. I’m just saying. Because shit happens when friends alter, relationships change and priorities shift. And the situations could get worse if you’re a part of a big bundled gang. Controversies sleep in the middle of every conversation and come on, everyone cannot agree with you so you can’t help but fall in someone’s eyes as you don’t have to impress everyone. Duh !!

Arsy varsy, if you’re head over heels for your partner and you belong to the other side of the equation which includes the two of you about to exhibit your feelings to the associated audience, you should prophesy the detailed reactions(by the girlfriends to the girl) right here:

  • An overreaction by overly attached girlfriends of the lass in love as to ” I can’t believe you  kept from me your alliance! ” says Betty. ” Why did you have to keep it a secret from us ? ” says Morgan. ” I thought you shared all your feelings with us as we do. I thought that you were being plainly true to us but i was wrong. ” says Kate.      And you would have to deal with these carefully going on for all the explanations you can gather at the moment. Ya it’s a headache i know.
  • Chances are probable that the girlfriends would begin to act weird and go to the extent of making you feel like you were plotting a murder or a property scandal secretly. Before you are processing things in your mind to turn them into words that can explain your causes, they would wrap up all the understanding you shared for years and react abruptly telling you to never call again and hang up the phone. Yes its really irritable I speak from my experience but it doesn’t go for every other girlfriend, just the few of them who are habitual of whirling small things into big life threatening  issues.
  • Then comes the part when everything seems to have chilled out but the changes are uncontrollable regarding to the acceptance and strengthening of the green lovers. Here someone would hit the J word in their hidden wit (J for jealous, i know you knew ;) ) , someone would judge you a nice match, someone would crop and love triangles to make things shake, someone would hold you up when things go the wrong way.

“The course of true love never did run smooth.” William Shakespeare. A toast to all those who have been in love and agree the quote holds true in material ways.

Schizoidal misanthropist


Came across the term “schizoid” to me out of various psychological disorders while going through some crazy random stuff . Schizoid Personality Disorder happens to be described as having a lack of interest in social relationships, the tendency to lead a solitary lifestyle, to develop secrecy and being content in aloofness.The blunted effect here as i read describes the inability to express emotions through neither change in countenance of an individual nor through physiological movements in situations which demand usual strong emotional actions/reactions. It is rather a symptom than a catalyst to suppressed expressions. With an actual absence of animation in gestures, this cranky thing perhaps very clearly elaborates those weird people you have been estranged of.

I reckon, a schizoid seems like a misanthropist on the surface to me too. But no we’re taking this in a completely different although connected crosspath. When a misanthropist detests human nature and scorns the species of the damned homo sapiens (“I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.” Bill Hicks), he does so out of foiled expectations when he put his reliable trust and absolute credence in someone but is downed in the end. A misanthropist then apparently ends up being a hater of mankind thinking people evil and wicked. Many people in general terms belong to this family of misanthropes. Some can even be considered more of sociopaths (” I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.” Samuel Johnson). Schizoids are comparatively rare. The disorder turns these antisocial habits into the inability of establishing emotional intimacy in personal relationships. Personal space is vulnerable at the risk of surreal images of self disclosure. It is the emotions (both positive and negative) that these people tend to avoid and not actually the human race.

And wait, there’s more. Out of the people you are bound to consider as undoubtedly interactive and socially available, you may still come across a schizoid. YES. The ball here strikes at that SECRET Schizoid you never find engaging in deep diving emotional talk and keeps it to the surface so it never hits your eye.. the actual internal state of his mind. That blinded arc where this person disconnects the exhibition of emotional engagement is the shield of his internal world. I now realize I actually have such a friend who I’ve always thought to be a misanthropist. And as of me I think am not really motivated to be engaged in social interactions as an introvert. No doubt I also do find a little schizoid smithereens in me. My ways of judging generality is of placing them somewhere between the evil and the good of mankind. For God made no good without evil and can no good be thus located without evil.

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